Meet the Edenians: Diplomatic Nubility
by nivet
Summary: Mileena has been tasked with keeping the peace. Raiden help us all. Indirect sequel to Meet the Edenians.
1. Chapter 1

_This is an indirect sequel to Meet the Edenians. Ragnarok666 gave me the idea to do this little spin off story instead of jumping right into the big sequel I do have._

* * *

Night had fallen over the portion of Outworld allotted to the Shokan race by Shao Kahn millennia ago. The territory of the four armed race was bordered by long stretching mountain ranges. The rest of the land was flat and plain like, making the land look like a giant bowl. The capital city, and home to the ruling class of the Shokan kingdom, was built in the centre, with many farms situated just outside of it. This allowed for carts to conveniently roll into the city, carrying food, hand made goods and tools, and on this night, a camouflaged stowaway.

The stowaway wasn't pleased by the undignified way of infiltrating the city, but it was a refreshingly simple change of pace.

"Halt for inspection!" A guard ordered the cart driver.

The stowaway grumbled in annoyance at the delay. He was buried underneath a pile of hay but could hear the doors of the cart being swung open. From the sounds that followed, he deduced that the guard was shuffling around crates and boxes that were large enough only for a Shokan. The stowaway remained hidden and relieved, what would the guard need to check a pile of hay for?

"Alright, everything checks out. I just need to check the hay..." The guard told the driver.

The guard jabbed the butt of his large spear into the pile of hay, and right into the stowaway's forehead. The stowaway groaned in surprise and pain but stifled his cry, even while the guard poked twice more into the hay, and hit him both times.

"Okay everything checks out, move along." The guard said.

The stowaway breathed a sigh of relief as the cart started moving again. He was pleased that that was over.

"Halt for second inspection!" Another guard said suddenly.

The stowaway suffered through four more of these inspections. Each one rewarded him with a stiff poke in the head, twice in the gut, and once in the groin. The Shokan guard were scrupulous, but evidently incompetent because the cart had finally reached it's stop without any suspicion. The stowaway climbed put and stealthily made his way to his destination; the Shokan royal palace.

The prowler utilized the many back alleys of the somewhat claustrophobic city to get close to the palace undetected. A quick observation showed that all the entrances were heavily guarded. The Shokan guardsmen were more than prepared for a head on attack, but they hadn't counted on a Zaterran trying to infiltrate their compound. A Zaterran could walk right past the lumbering oafs whilst invisible. The prowler looked at his hand and, try as he might, it wouldn't turn invisible, only change colour to match the wall it rested upon.

"Oh cruel fate, why have you cursed me so!" Chameleon cried out, raising his fists to the sky like he were pleading.

"What the hell was that?" One of the guardsmen asked.

"Oh crap..." Chameleon muttered.

Panicking, Chameleon flattened himself against the wall. His body and clothing changed colour so that he blended in with the two guards that had heard his outbursts came shortly after, stopping there to search.

"I know I heard someone...it sounded like some hopelessly overdramatic pansy."

"Mmm?" Chameleon muttered despite himself.

"Why don't you go on and search further?" The other guard asked.

"You aren't coming with me?"

"We can't leave the entrance unguarded."

"So why don't you go and I'll watch the entrance?"

"Why should I when you are the one that allegedly heard something?"

"You know what? We'll settle this the old fashioned." The guard said, turning to his partner with intensity.

The other guard narrowed his eyes and bared his teeth. He cracked his neck and razed all four of his hands.

"You wanna play? Fine then, lets play!"

The two guards started to play a game of rock paper scissors, thumb wrestling, bloody knuckles, and mercy simultaneously. Their arms looked like a tangled mess. Chameleon had shimmied along the wall and away from them long ago and entered the palace.

The palace was extravagant inside. Every chair looked posh and comfy; and had four arm rests and was large enough to seat three people. Portraits of past Shokan royalty adorned the walls. King's Aoro, Boro, Coro, Doro, Eoro, Foro, either a naming system has traditionally been in place for Shokan royalty or the dragon kin were just incredibly uncreative.

Chameleon came to what he believed to be the king's quarters. The sign on the door did read 'King's Bedroom' after all. Chameleon slowly opened the heavy door and crept inside. He was disappointed to find that the king's bed was empty. He noticed a light coming from behind an adjacent door however. Chameleon crept up to it and peered through the lock to see what was on the other side. What he saw was a large helping of Shokan sausage.

"Oh my..." Chameleon whispered.

The door was suddenly kicked open, slamming Chameleon between it and the door. He heard heavy footsteps and jovial humming. The Shokan king was completely oblivious to his visitor. The elderly four armed creature tied his velvety robe tight and then plopped down onto his quadruple king sized bed. Chameleon quietly pushed the door off of him and pulled himself off the wall.

"That hurt, I'm...I'm seeing stars." Chameleon whispered worriedly.

He realized that he was just looking out the large window at the night sky and regained his composure. Chameleon stealthily climbed across the King's bed and was surprised at how unsteady he was; it was a water bed. With some difficulty he now stood over the king, who was now fast asleep. Chameleon's body turned reddish in anticipation of the kill as he drew his sword from his back. He turned the short blade downward and let it over over the King's heart.

"With one kill, I shall murder a people. One drop of blood will flood the land with red. By my hand, giants will fall!" Chameleon proclaimed before he jabbed his sword downwards.

"I don't wanna go to school mommy..." The Shokan king stated in his sleep before he rolled over suddenly, causing the sword to miss it's mark and stab into the bed.

"Son of a.." Chameleon began before the water bed popped like a giant balloon.

Chameleon and the king were both drenched and slipping on the ground.

"What is this? Who dares interrupt the king's bedtime?" The king asked angrily.

"Forget stealth," Chameleon reached around his back and pulled out a glock.

"Whoa, hey, hey what are you doing? Who put you up to this?" The king asked.

"Someone who wants you gone, someone with a big interest in the Shokan throne. Anyway," Chameleon tilted the pistol sideways, "Break yo'self fool!"

* * *

_Edenia_

Bryant sat down comfortably into his lavish chair, in his lavish office, in a particularly lavish part of the palace. His armour and weapons were hung up on the wall, serving as a fond reminder of his old position as a royal guard. In the few weeks since Liu Kang had defeated Rain for Kitana's hand in marriage, Edenian parliament had undergone major changes. King Jerrod and Queen Sindel had officially announced that they would be stepping down from their positions as the rulers of Edenia. This wasn't something that could be done overnight however; there were things to sign, declarations to be made, inaugurations to be held, speeches to be spoken, and now asses to be kissed. Sindel and Jerrod were visiting Kitana and Liu in Earthrealm to meet with world leaders. Earthrealm now knew of the existence of other realms since Outworld had invaded and understandably wanted to be included in the cosmic community.

With the king and queen away the most logical choice for the seat of power to be held by would be General Jade. Being as smart and cunning as she was, Jade just wasn't around enough to govern properly. She was always coming back from what she called business trips with raging sniffles. Bryant didn't think too much into it, because he was hand picked to become the first Commander-in-Cheif of the Edenian crown. Essentially, when the king and queen and general are away, he shall play.

"Better me than those damn bureaucrats. Oh yeah, it's good to be the Commander-in-Cheif." Bryant stated happily, leaning back in his chair and putting his feet on his desk.

Suddenly the door to his office burst open, surprising him so much that he flipped over in his chair.

"Commander? Commander are you in here?"

"Yes, yes I am." Bryant answered with annoyance.

"Oh thank Raiden, we have a problem. A **big **problem."

"Bigger than my slipped disk?" Bryant asked while rubbing his neck.

"Way bigger. Two days ago the Shokan king was assassinated in his own bedroom! Prince Goro blames the tiger clan and has pushed the Shokan apartheid to it's breaking point; Shokan territory has erupted into civil war! What are you going to do?"

"Me?"

"Yes you. The Shokan are an ally race and Outworld falls under the army's peace keeping jurisdiction. With the king, queen, and general gone the decision falls to you."

Bryant went over the idea of trying to calm down hundreds of four armed giants that could squish his head like a grape in his thoughts. He thought, hell no.

"I know just what to do!" Bryant stated.

* * *

Eric gripped his leg in his hands and shook it around. His legs were asleep, his butt was asleep, even his dick and balls were asleep. He got absolutely no satisfaction from scratching there now. It felt like he had been riding on this carriage for an eternity. He was initially excited about seeing Outworld for the first time, but all he had gotten to see so far was purple skies and rocky terrain. The excitement he had before was waning rapidly, but the sight of a structure ahead rekindled it.

If he had to guess, it was a guard house, if the sign hanging from it was to be trusted. A stalwart looking Shokan stood at the entrance to it. He stood taller, as impossible as it seemed, when the carriage pulled in.

"Greetings!" Eric greeted politely.

The guard pointed his spear inches from Eric's face. This woke Eric's legs up immediately.

"State your name and business." The guard demanded sternly.

Eric sucked down the lump in his throat so he could speak.

"Well, um...hello, my name is Eric, and I'm a guard. Not unlike yourself I guess right?" Eric asked.

The shokan used his two lower arms to draw two swords from his hips, which he now pointed at Eric along with his spear.

"Okay, maybe not?" Eric said nervously.

"You are about to cross into Shokan controlled territory. It is by the order of Prince Goro that no one be allowed to leave or enter without proper identification and purpose."

"Oh, okay here you go." Eric said, handing him a card.

"What is this?"

"It's my library card. I know I don't have the braces anymore, and I have a few unpaid late fees..."

The shokan used his one free hand to grab and lift Eric by his collar. Now Eric's ass was wide awake.

"Eric, what's going on out there?" A sweet, womanly voice asked from inside the carriage.

"Who is that?" The shokan asked suspiciously.

He dropped Eric roughly back down into his seat and stomped around the side of the carriage and opened the door.

"All outsiders require identification and..."

"Here's my identification!" Mileena roared before she kicked him in the face.

The shokan fell back and hit the ground hard, and fell unconscious. Mileena climbed out and stretched casually.

"Mileena, why did you do that?" Eric asked in a panicking tone.

"It was fun?" Mileena replied.

"But, but, you may have just caused an international incident!"

"It was still fun." Mileena shrugged.

Two more guards came rushing out with drawn weapons after hearing the commotion.

"What is the meaning of this? Who are you?" One of the guards asked.

"I am Mileena!"

"And I'm Eric..."

"No one cares. I am a princess and now, emissary of Edenia! I am here to fix your shit, stop me at your own peril." Mileena boasted.

The two shokan looked at each other confusedly.

"All outsider's require identification..." One of the guards tried.

"Yeah yeah I got ID, right here." Mileena pointed to a spot on her chest.

The guards looked at here like she had grown two heads.

"Mileena, you aren't wearing the royal pin." Eric reminded her.

"Oh, damn. Eric, pin me!" Mileena ordered.

Eric walked over to her and was about to place the pin on her when he realized that what little coverage Mileena wore was absolutely skin tight, and she wanted him to do delicate work on her. Eric realized that this was going to be a long trip.

"Hey, watch the tits, and not the way you're hoping." Mileena warned him.

A very long trip, Eric realized.

* * *

_Any reviews with tips or ideas are greatly appreciated, its gonna be tough getting back into the comedy game._


	2. Chapter 2

Mileena and Eric's role as the ambassadors of the Edenian crown to the Shokan people had gotten off to a rough start. Mileena had assaulted a Shokan guardsman and, were it not for her presenting the badge of diplomacy, would surely have gotten herself and Eric ripped into quarters. Mileena appeared unfazed, she seemed to enjoy her position greatly.

"Grape me!" Mileena commanded.

Eric pulled a grape from the vine he carried and handed it to Mileena, who was sitting on the roof of the carriage above him. She stuck in her mouth underneath her veil. After a moment she spat out the seed, which bounced off Eric's head.

"I gotta tell you Eric, I'm glad to be finally getting some recognition. Jerrod and Sindel will see my ability to defuse a critical situation and realize I'm not just 'The Little Princess!" and stop telling me things like "Mileena you can't use the national flag as a napkin," or "Mileena you can't gouge out that official's eyes," even though the prick was staring at my rack!" Mileena accentuated her voice with her impressions of Sindel and Jerrod's words spoken with Ermac's voices.

Eric shook his head and had a small smirk; Mileena's little quirks amused him and, despite her bulldozer like methods, he was happy to be with her on this trip.

"I'm sure you'll do well and make them proud; though I think you should handle things with a little more, um, finesse." Eric told her.

"Yeah well nobody cares what you think." Mileena said dismissively.

Eric rolled his eyes at her response. Suddenly, Mileena squeezed his head between her the feet of her stiletto boots and yanked his head back so that he was looking up at her.

"I saw that." She told him in a low voice.

Eric's eyes darted from each of Mileena's feet to her narrowed and cat like eyes. This was a sample of another one of her quirks; it scared him, kind of aroused him, but mostly scared him at this point.

"Grape me."

* * *

Within the hour the two of them had arrived at the Shokan capital city. They had to travel on foot from here on out. The once great city now had an air of hostility and tension. It also seemed to have a layer of dust covering every part of it, like an age of conflict had come and gone. The civilians had a weathered look about them.

"This city must have been great a one point," Eric said aloud, "To think that it could be reduced to this in such a short time..."

"What a shit hole!" Mileena blurted out.

Eric's jaw would've hit the ground had it not caught on his helmet. All the Shokan that had been passing by shot silent, scolding looks at them. A few even poked their heads out of their house windows.

"Maybe we should hurry onward to meet Prince Goro." Eric suggested.

After a short time more of traveling along the main road past many Shokan that were visibly angered by Mileena's insensitive comments, the pair came to the courtyard of the Shokan royal palace. It had been converted into a militaristic base camp for the army. The soldiers stood tall, very tall, and stalwart.

"I bet your sword feels pretty small right now." Mileena told Eric.

Eric glanced at his weapon. It was rather small in comparison to the ones carried by the four armed giants.

"That's not the sword I was talking about." Mileena elaborated, smirking behind her veil.

Eric looked at her confusedly as he followed her into the compound. They received a number of looks, particularly when Mileena kicked down one of the posts holding up a tent for no apparent reason, causing the tent to fall down upon the unsuspecting officers within.

"Why don't we ask someone for Prince Goro's location..."

"Yo Goro, where the hell are you!?" Mileena shouted.

All nearby soldiers turned mortified and angered stares upon them.

"Uh, Mileena..."

"Hello? Seriously, all you Shokan look the same, so Goro, wave your hands in the air or something."

"Oh god, is that who I think it is?" A deep, gruff voice asked tiredly.

Out of a close by tent came Goro, Prince of the Shokan race. He was large, even by Shokan standards, and wore the regalia of royalty; a single metal pauldron and tight fitting black speedos. Eric guessed that lingerie like this was common amongst royalty everywhere. Goro came to stand, towering, over Mileena and Eric with one set of arms crossed and another on his hips.

"Goro! How's it going big buddy?" Mileena asked.

"I've been well, considering the recent murder of my father and my country being thrown into turmoil by this civil war." Goro said sarcastically.

"Yeah well thats a monday for you." Mileena said dismissively.

Goro's nose twitched at Mileena's insensitivity. Eric decided that he had to interject when Mileena starting rocking back and forth on her heels and toes, completely ignoring Goro in favour of a large wall that looked like it had been recently erected.

"What Mileena means to say is that, on behalf of Edenia and the royal family, we express our deepest condolences."

"Your condolences are well met, and now you can leave." Goro told him.

"But I.."

"Whats on the other side of that?" Mileena suddenly asked.

"None of your business." Goro said before turning his back on them.

"Prince Goro please we..." Eric began.

"What did you say four arms?" Mileena asked angrily.

"I said its none of your business, and I don't care for what you have to say anymore. I've got a rebellion to crush."

"What you've got is a throbbing schlong up your ass." Mileena insulted.

Goro turned on her and stood crotch to face with her. Mileena didn't seem at all intimidated. Eric was close to quivering in his boots, but he stood next to his princess nonetheless.

"I know you fancied yourself a little empress when we both served Shao Kahn, but now you are just the other princess. What are you here? You are not on my level."

"I guess you're right." Mileena said.

Eric's eyes widened when he heard Mileena concede.

"Eric, kneel down." Mileena ordered.

"Beg your pardon?"

"I said, kneel down."

Confused but unwilling to disobey her, Eric did as he was told. Once he did, Mileena climbed onto his shoulders.

"What are you doing?" Eric asked in surprise.

"Being political, now stand up!"

Eric followed his orders and hoisted Mileena up. She squeezed her thighs around his head to help balance herself. Her bare, toned, smooth thighs separated from his face by a helmet that he once complained was too thin to be safe but now seemed tortuously thick. A passing fantasy of him shaking his helmet off and turning Mileena around to the other side of his face made his eyes glaze over...

"Stand still will you!" Mileena scolded.

Eric's bubble popped as he came back to reality. The sight of Goro's double pecs calmed the storm brewing in his head; both of them.

"Now I am on your level." Mileena told Goro.

The Shokan prince stood easily 8'5 feet tall. Mileena stacked atop Eric's 6'0 foot made her slightly taller.

"And I'll tell you why I'm here; I'm here because of this." She gestured to the pin signifying her position as ambassador.

"If you don't like it that I'm here well then that's just fine; I can't say that I'm especially happy to see you either. But I can tell you that every single one of your people that I saw on the way here looked like someone pissed in their cereal; and your city looks like somebody crapped on it. I'm here to make sure that this situation blows over quickly, and more importantly, quietly."

"Quickly, quietly, ha! These rebels have proven they want blood, and thats what they will pay with in kind." Goro proclaimed.

"How do you know it was them?" Eric added from below.

Goro and Mileena both glanced down at him expectantly.

"I mean, do you have any proof that it was the rebels?"

"I, we don't, it's inconclusive but...well no, I guess we don't have any undeniable proof. But its the best guess that they were the ones responsible."

"Guess huh? I wonder what the Edenians, ,maybe even the Centaurs and Tarkatans would think if they learnt Prince Goro plunged the Shokan into civil war on the grounds of a guess." Mileena mused in a slightly threatening manner.

Goro narrowed his eyes at her, but a small smile spread across his lips.

"You are still the miserable little pain you've always been Mileena, but you still have that commendable tenacity about you. Fine, I'll extend this proposition to you. Find me evidence that the rebels weren't involved in my father's murder, and I'll do whatever I need to in order to end this conflict. I'll give you one week, if you don't..." Goro then leaned in close, "I'll wipeout every last one of them."

Eric couldn't hide the distress in his grunt upon hearing this deadly proclamation.

"You need a mint." Mileena told Goro laxly.

"But, but, where should we start?" Eric asked as a cover up for Mileena's comment.

"I suggest the rebel occupied section of the city; namely whats on the other side of that wall Mileena is so fond of." Goro informed.

Before Eric could reply Mileena jumped off of him, making him fall face first into the dirt. Mileena ran to the wall and, completely ignoring the protesting soldiers guarding it, climbed to the top so that she could look over.

"What the fu...why do you all look like cats? You give pussy a whole new meaning!" Mileena shouted to the tiger clan Shokan rebels.

"I thought my surprises would end with the arrival of that Earthrealm agent; having Mileena come here as a diplomat is almost too much." Goro said tiredly.

"Earthrealm agent?" Eric questioned.

"Yes, he arrived merely hours before you two did. He was clad in grey, and had a number or code on his chest plate; LK-7T2."

* * *

_Very late update I know, got a lot to deal with right now. I'll try to be more consistent with the updates, and if you're curious as to what that number means, I suggest checking out the MK wiki if you don't know.  
_


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